My Musings: Situationships - Helping or Holding Us Back?
Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a homie/lover/friend who you were more than friendly with but never committed to. *Raises both hands!* If you’re familiar with the description above, then you - like me - have found yourself in a “situationship”. Drake’s 2011 song “Doing It Wrong” perfectly describes the essence of situationships:
We live in a generation of not being in love
And not being together
But we sure make it feel like we’re together
Because we’re scared to see each other with somebody else
Emphasis on we sure make it feel like we’re together. That’s the tricky thing about situationships. They live in the gray areas. We’re not together but it sure seems that way. Our feelings become as tied up in situationships as they would be in relationships. Unlike relationships, situationships have allowed us to evade commitment, throw away accountability, and rely on technicalities. You can’t get mad or feel a type of way about something your boo does because you’re not “technically” together. And you don’t have to take responsibility for your own actions because you’re “technically” single. But our emotions aren’t technical. They are instinctive.
When did we become a generation of situationships rather than relationships? I’d argue with the advent of social media and online dating. We don’t have to rely on meeting people the old-fashioned way - in person and within close proximity. Social media and online dating have exponentially grown our pool of potential lovers. Bae is only a right swipe or DM away. This is incredibly enticing. It makes us all want to keep our options just open enough in case someone better comes along. While still doing all the things people in relationships do.
For me, when it comes to situationships, I've been there, done that. I spent much of my 20s in situationships and not committed relationships. Honestly speaking, my situationships felt the same as relationships. My heart couldn’t tell the difference. When things ended, I had to spend as much time trying to untangle my emotions from a person who I couldn’t technically define as my “ex” as I would a true ex. I understand why situationships are appealing but the risk hasn’t proven to be worth the reward for me. Maybe it’s getting older or maybe it’s exhaustion, but I’m not about that life anymore. I’ve decided to cut out the gray area of situationships. It's a strong "I'm good luv, enjoy!" Instead, I’ve set an intention to build a significant relationship with someone who wants the same things.
I want to hear from you. Have you been in a situationship? Are situationships helping propel us forward? Or are they holding us back? Drop a comment below!