My Musings: Sex - Curated not Created
Updated: Jun 7, 2019
Let’s talk about SEX, baby! It is all-consuming. And for good reason. It can be exhilarating, mind-blowing, and breathtaking. Or it can be awkward, disappointing, and anti-climatic. Everywhere we turn, we are inundated with sexual messages. By music. By religion. By media. It’s one area of life that we’re all interested in and influenced by, but rarely do we get the chance to dream about sex. I’m not talking about wet or erotic dreams. I’m talking about dreaming about the kind of sexual person you want to be. I’m talking about the kind of sexual relationship you desire. I’m talking about dreaming from the truest, most authentic part of you. Take a moment to imagine. If sex was a blank canvas that you could fill without the influence of culture, what would you fill that space with?
We don’t get to decide what kind of person we want to be sexually in the same way we can dream about who we want to be when we grow up. By the time we’re teens (and maybe even before), we’re blasted with so many sexual messages that it leaves little room for choice and creativity. Our sexual personalities are curated. Be demure. Be sexy. Be domineering. Be freaky. Be kinky. Or if you grew up like me, the Christian church taught you nothing about sex except not to do it until you’re married. There’s no room to dream. It’s suffocating.
When I was thirteen years old, I participated in a debutante-like program that culminated with me vowing not to have sex until I was married. I was thirteen! I was not thinking about sex, so the vow was ok by me. But as I grew up, I made a different choice. I wanted to have sex. And everything I learned about sex came from music, my girls, my doctor, and Google. I wonder what kind of sexual partner I would have become if I had the opportunity to dream.
So, lately I’ve been reimagining what kind of sexual relationship I want. If I had space and time, who would I be sexually? What kind of partner would I desire? It’s been a fun exercise and one that I’m sure will evolve and change as I grow. For now, I know that I want a sexual relationship that’s connected to more than just passion. I want to be vulnerable in my sexual relationship and I want to see my partner’s vulnerability in return. While I’m still filling in my canvas, the process has been liberating. I encourage you to ask yourself these same questions. Choose. Will your sex life be curated by culture or created by you?