My Musings: Marrying for Love or Convenience

Updated: Aug 9, 2018

Note: My Musings is a break from our regularly scheduled program to rift about something I’ve seen or heard related to relationships. Leave a comment below to share your thoughts.

Instagram is filled with neither deep, nor profound “wisdom” on a variety of topics. While I usually roll my eyes and keep scrolling, this post caught my eye.

It poses an intriguing question. Do people marry for love or convenience? As a single woman who hopes to be married someday, I thought it was a relevant question. So I asked my followers to weigh-in. Here’s what I heard:

Male, thirties: Damn that’s interesting. There’s some truth behind it.

Female, thirties: Yes, Yes!!

Female, thirties: Someone posted this the other day and I said comfort. It relates to convenience. Maybe [the guy] had a bad relationship/crazy women in the past or lived a wild life and now [he is] ready to settle down. Then [he] meets someone who feels “comfortable”. Attractive enough, not crazy, and comes along at the right time.

Male, thirties: Yes and No. I would say it’s based more on timing. It’s more of a combination of when you’re ready and is she the best you can do. Most men marry up (in terms of looks and money) if we’re being honest.

Male, thirties: Facts! Musical chairs. Whoever’s closest when the music stops.

Male, twenties: That’s a wild complicated question and the way it is posed is pretty reductive. The answer is likely a mixture of both. You marry the person you love when you are ready to get married. But over time that initial love comes and goes because no emotion is static. Strong feelings aren’t always very practical. Marriage is really a fiscal institution. People lose sight of that in all the feels.

Male, twenties: True for many but for sure not all (like myself). Women marry for the right person, men marry when the timing is right.

I realize this is a small, limited sample skewed toward the perspective of men. But as you can see, there’s no perfect consensus either way. I think it’s both. People marry for love and convenience and a host of other reasons. Like the premise of this blog, no marriage or relationship can be boiled down to a sweeping generalization. It’s more nuanced than that.

What is important to remember is that marriage (and relationships) are a choice. Choose for yourself. If you want to marry for love, choose someone who loves you. If you want to marry for convenience, choose someone who feels the same. Whatever you want, be an active participant in choosing what’s right for you. Walk down to that altar knowing you’ve gotten what you wanted. What do you think? Drop me a line in the comments below!

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