My Musings: Ghosting - Stop the Trickery!
According to Urban Dictionary, Ghosting is:
“When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice beforehand. You'll mostly see them avoiding friend's phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public.”
Example: I haven't seen Tom in 3 months. I think he may be ghosting me.
I define ghosting as PURE TRICKERY. Giving the illusion that you’ve dropped off the face of the earth without warning or reason. This is problematic in any relationship, especially in dating. But we’ve all done it. And most of us have been on the receiving end as well. I was recently ghosted by a man I’d been dating for a good amount of time (read: over 6 months). One day I heard from him and then I didn’t. No response to texts, calls, or emails. Of course, there are details about our relationship that I won’t share here. But guess what? I couldn’t really tell you what happened for this relationship to disappear into Bermuda’s Triangle.
Like Big Sean, I took an "L" but I'll bounce back from this experience (because I'm a confident woman). But it has got me asking why. Why do we ghost each other?
First, I think it’s a way to avoid having difficult or uncomfortable conversations with the person we’re dating/dated. Such a conversation could bring up conflict, which some of us like to avoid at all cost. I also think it’s a tactic to keep the door slightly ajar in a relationship, an excuse to be able to send the “hey stranger” text months later.
Yes, ghosting is the easy way out of a situation you may not know how to get out of. But it’s also hurtful, unfair and confusing AF. It leaves you trying to put together pieces of a story you don’t fully know. That’s the thing. You never really know why someone decided to disappear from your life without warning. Whether it’s casual or more serious, it never feels good when the other person drops off the face of the earth (on purpose).
Whether you’re a first-timer or a repeat offender, it’s time we all #dobetter. Let’s all go back to the lesson we learned in kindergarten: Use your words. If your feelings change, your interest fades, or your life blows up, be honest with the other person. Have the conversation no matter how difficult. We’re all capable of identifying and sharing our emotions. It’s adulting at its finest. Not to mention, it’s a sign of respect for the time another person spent investing in a relationship, whether casual, complicated, or committed.
Ultimately, I want each of us to not only show each other more respect but also take better care of one another’s hearts. And we can start by stopping the trickery known as ghosting.
I want to hear from you. Have you ghosted anyone? Have you been ghosted? Drop a comment below!